Archive for September, 2009

Finding wisdom wherever I can

September 28, 2009

I admit that I have a love/hate relationship with autumn. I’m in awe of the soon-to-be, jaw-droppingly gorgeous trees on my street, yet I hate the shoes. By mid-October, I’ll be mourning sandals. You see, I’ve got rather long feet (“Jackie O wore size 11,” my Mom always reminds me). It is really hard to find cute, feminine-looking fall shoes in my size, that are flat.

I’m also 5’11″ and much to the consternation of my more fashionable and diminutive friends, I don’t wear heels because when I’m up that high, I can’t hear what anyone is saying down below! (I’ll have to consult with shoe expert Miss Meghan.)

However, one thing I do love about this changing weather is that I get to start drinking Yogi Tea again. I don’t particularly care for hot tea (apologies to the Brits on this email), but I live for the little bits of nightly wisdom that hang from the side of my mug. I think Kundalini Master Yogi Bhajan has it going on.

Here are some of my favorite sayings of his that I’ve now placed strategically around my apartment. Though more powerful when opened and contemplated one at a time, I offer them to you in abundance:

“Your head must bow to your heart.”

“Where there is love, there is no question.”

“Truth is everlasting.”

“It’s not life that matters; it’s the courage we bring to it.”

A friend asked me this week how I come up with something to offer to you each Sunday and I was reminded of one of my Mom’s expressions, “I take my happiness where I can.” Me, I take my inspiration and wisdom where I can… in a Yogi Tea box, in a friend’s loving perspective over California huevos at Kuba Kuba, in those sweet, guerilla goodness chalk drawings on my neighborhood sidewalk, or in the final words of a loved one without having known that they were indeed the final words.

I’m sure you have your own treasured sources.

The fun part, I think, is in believing the message was meant to reach me in that very form at that very moment and allowing myself to be permeated and transformed by it.

I’ll be curious to know what finds you this week! In the words of Yogi Bhajan, “Let things come to you.“

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Happiness, Meaning or Both?

September 21, 2009

When I worked in New York as a 23-year-old, I used to walk home through the West Village crying my eyes out. No one noticed. This was Manhattan before 9/11. I lived in a SoHo loft, went out with friends, saw countless downtown performances, and rode the subway to the Cloisters at 190th Street whenever I needed solitude and a park that didn’t have creepy dudes doing creepy things.

99% of the poetry I wrote during that time was sad. I knew that I was soul sick.
 
At 26, I escaped Gotham for Aspen. I didn’t know how to ski. I didn’t own a mountain bike. (Both soon rectified!) I had moved there to manage a dance festival, to be in the middle of immense nature and to live with nice people who said hello on the street.  When I volunteered for a community project and my team leader was strung out on coke, I knew I needed something even more than mountains.
 
I went to a small, dark church with about six other parishioners. The sermon was one that I will never forget. He spoke of young people’s pursuit of happiness instead of meaning; when, really, meaning is where it’s at. This was a huge relief to me because a) I wasn’t great at happiness, and b) meaning gave me an anchor.
 
Thus was born my exploration of life below the surface. 
 
Several years later, my oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 43. The thought of losing her was more terrifying and incomprehensible than my whole meaning-filled being could stand. So, after much devotion to my soul, I changed gears.

Awareness of life’s brevity and the singular importance of love and family was a given during that time. Happiness however… was long overdue. Moroseness would do nothing to serve my sister. I vowed to make that six months the best of my life. The highlight was celebrating her recovery by inaugurating the Annual Bare Chested Boobie Romp (now in its seventh year!) Happiness… I was hooked!
 
While fun as hell, after a while of living in hedonistic pursuit, I came to know deep down that it wasn’t me. Not solely, nor soul-ly. I yearned for depth to ground my pleasure.
 
I’m not the life of the party, nor am I Ghandi. 14 years after that Aspen sermon and many workshops, therapy, coaching, yoga and pole dancing classes later, I’ve come to believe that my life is about both: happiness and meaning. 
 
Some of you lucky dogs may have been born with this wisdom. For me and perhaps others, it’s been a journey that couldn’t have been forced.
 
My Dad once told me in his backyard that I needed to “lighten up” (which I didn’t take kindly to!) Just before his death, he thanked me for the “pleasure of my company” after a road trip, just the two of us. I believe the shift was partly due to finally being my true self with him, and partly due to revealing a new self – one that has been hard won. I’m glad he got to experience her for a short while and I’m grateful that I get to live her now.

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On doubt, faith and creating your future

September 14, 2009

This morning’s Daily Dharma from Tricycle: The Buddhist Review read, “We don’t have to let go, we simply have to not hold on.” (Joseph Goldstein, “Empty Phenomena Rolling On,” Tricycle, Winter 1993) 
 
This practice is not new to me or likely to most of you; however, it has never been nor has it yet become my strong suit. When I want something or love someone, I tend to hold on for dear life. The only thing that has ever helped me to gracefully (rather than reluctantly) loosen my grip is my belief that when I place whatever I deem dear in the care of a power greater than myself, the issue will be resolved for the highest good of all involved. That, really, is what I want most.
 
Easier said than done! Especially when one really isn’t exactly sure just what that “something greater” is!
 
I’m reading the memoir Faith Under Fire about Army Chaplain Roger Benimoff’s  counseling of soldiers during his two tours of duty in Iraq, his wrestling with God about the carnage and heartbreak of war, and his reintegration with home life and family as a changed man. Talk about grappling with trust in something greater.
 
In this area of knowing, feeling, surrendering to and co-creating with a higher power, I am a fan of the expression, “There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in all the creeds.” (Alfred Lord Tennyson) I doubt sometimes and I ask for help anyway. For me, it’s better than feeling stuck out on the ledge by myself.
 
Tomorrow, Floricane’s John Sarvay and I begin facilitating a two-day workshop, NextSteps, to help people in life and career transition determine what they most deeply wish to create for their future and who they’ll need to become to generate it.
 
A number of teachers talk about this process as “co-creation.“ It has indeed been my experience that after we make the decision to follow that small voice inside of us, create a magnificently detailed vision and strategy, and prepare our body, mind and heart to live this future, then… we must turn our brilliant plan over to a power greater than ourselves for editing, for alignment, for infusion of spirit, and for ongoing assistance.
 
Our job is to remain flexible, surrender our strong hold on how it must turn out, and trust (with honest, struggling doubt) in the perhaps slightly altered direction in which we are lead.
 
That, I believe, is how we’ll create a future that serves our own and the greater good.

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Come Again

September 4, 2009

I admit, I got a little knocked off center this week. Mary Chapin Carpenter pretty well sums up my experience in these song lines:

“I thought my heart had broken, but it was just a little bruised. I thought love had spoken, guess I was just confused.”

Several years ago, I studied with the incredible Mama Gena, renowned teacher of the “Womanly Arts“. She would often talk about driftwood. That after crossing the big ocean toward our dreams, before we see land, we will see driftwood… evidence that land is just over the horizon. This is a particularly good meditation for me since I tend to get discouraged when I can’t yet see land.

Also quite useful this week was the tenet oft-proposed by the deeply wise “New Feminine Power” teaching team Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit that the transformation of our relationship to disappointment is critical to the successful manifestation of our dreams. I’ve been practicing and I can attest that this is a much more loving, grateful and empowered way to experience life.

I can always tell how committed I am to a dream by how many times I will get back up after a fall, how much help I’m willing to ask for, and how resilient my heart remains after another piece of driftwood turns out to not yet be land.

Recently, I participated in a Presence-Based Coaching Course with the masterful Doug Silsbee, PCC. By his calm and strong example, we practiced finding our center, committing to our dream and repeatedly coming back to that grounded place within us no matter what obstacles life presents. This center is proving to be an ever-present internal compass along the rough and tumble road toward what I most yearn to create.

I think the following Rumi poem (discovered in the liner notes of the new Sugarland cd) is an apt invitation to keep going for those of us on the way towards precious dreams.

Come, come, whoever you are.
Wonderer, worshiper, lover of leaving.
It doesn’t matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
a thousand times.
Come, yet again, come, come.

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Opening to ourselves

September 2, 2009

I’ve spent a lot of time the past few years thinking about and practicing opening my heart. To others, to God, to possibility, within new relationships and old, during life on the upswing or in the middle of a downward spiral. It has required moment-to-moment awareness and perception of whether I am opening or closing.  (and sometimes I am completely clueless to either!)
 
This week one of my teachers asked me, “Is your heart opening to you?” I could tell this was a novel concept by the lump in my throat, tears welling in my eyes and the light bulb going on in my head.
 
Such a profound and necessary gesture. Beginning all the good we want to be and do for others by gently opening to ourselves first. You can try it if you’d like. Simply breathe into the center of your heart and feel it softly, subtly opening, like your favorite flower, to yourself.  The you that only you know.
 
For me, it is palpable and shifts me into a vulnerable place that is beautiful rather than scary. My shoulders relax, my chest exhales, my hips feel more grounded and I let go of efforting. 
 
Recently, the entire New York Times Magazine was dedicated to the empowerment of women and girls and its necessity for a healthy world.  (Thanks to the tireless Nicholas Kristof!!)
 
One Pakistani woman is quoted as saying “A woman should know her limits, and if not, then it is her husband’s right to beat her.” Acknowledging that I am no cultural expert, I will boldly say that this woman could benefit from a little heart opening. Obviously, and likely unconsciously, she doesn’t feel it for herself much less her daughter-in-law.
 
In my opinion, all the empowerment programs and policies on the planet won’t make a real, lasting difference for girls and women until we open to that inward feeling of tenderness towards ourselves. That, I believe, will change the world.

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