Of all the devotion, betrayal, strength, fallibility, sadness, and glory I heard and read about during Holy Week, the line that moved me the most was this: “Peace is my last gift to you, my own peace I now leave with you; peace which the world cannot give, I give to you.” (The Book of Common Prayer)
I’ve written often about doubt and uncertainty on this winding path of mine. It is challenging, at times, to feel lasting peace about earthly matters such as money, love, work, health insurance, family misunderstandings, and social injustice. Yet, in the midst of all or any of those, I’ve come to recognize the kind of peace that is a gift from God – “peace which the world cannot give.”
This peace I feel in my body. When the core of me is open, breathing, and calm, my mind feels safe to follow suit. In this state, I trust the peace of the certainty I feel – certainty that it all means something and God is there for me to lean on. It is the deep peace of forgiveness after confessing “things done and left undone.” It is the peace of saying, “Yes, I do believe in this mystery that ‘passes all understanding.’”
When watching and participating in Maundy Thursday and Good Friday services last week, I had to acknowledge that I believe in what this sacred practice represents. Seeing my clergy dressed in black with their backs turned to the congregation as they prayed was incredibly moving for me. I believe in the underlying story. So I say the words; I sing; I kneel; I eat the spiritual food. On Easter, it sank in deeper.
The judgmental, exclusionary, violent, sexist, neighbor-against-neighbor interpretations of Christianity have made me wary of Christianity as a whole. I’m grateful now to be learning a profoundly different take on what Jesus was teaching and to have found an understanding of God’s kingdom that I want to be a part of.
My mind still asks, “Am I for real? Is this devotion to and worship of God coming from my heart or my head?” I trust my body when she replies, “Yes. This is real for me. I feel this deeply. It has integrity.” Writing about and saying “Jesus” out loud is, at times, uncomfortable for me, yet being with him in private always feels natural. When I meditate, I invite him to sit with me. He offers his hands. I take them. This is complete peace for me.
What brings you peace? If you’d like to share your own practice, please do so.
Tags: a woman's body, faith, God, Jesus, opening, trust, wisdom of our bodies, yes
April 5, 2010 at 4:05 pm |
Peace for me = the simplicity of love, finding some joy each day, a lot of exercise for a reservoir of calm and reminding myself to take a deep breath and retain some perspective for whatever life throws at me.
April 5, 2010 at 4:50 pm |
So beautiful! I love the “simplicity of love”. What a good reminder. Thank you.
April 6, 2010 at 4:20 pm |
What a beautiful post, Eleanor! I love your image of holding hands with Jesus.
I, too, find peace in those quiet times when I bring myself intentionally into that space to be alone with God. And sometimes I find it in authentic conversations, and those moments when I can be fully present — to another or to nature or even to myself. It is then that I can say with St. Julian of Norwich, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”