Posts Tagged ‘being’

13 Going on Fabulous!

February 11, 2010

I’ve just returned from my niece’s 13th birthday celebration in Portland. Let me tell you, 13 is the new fabulous! It brings me such delight to be in Libby’s company. I could listen to her wise, funny and poignant thoughts on life for hours. She is perceptive, inquisitive and completely accepting. She generates pure joy.  

Her hugs last forever and she’ll still hold my hand when walking off the soccer field after a winning game. She she says things like, “I meditate in bed. I like to embrace the last few moments before I wake up,” and, “I love spending Sundays with Aunt Eleanor and Nanny Kathleen.”

Because she inspires me so with her genuine spirit and unique style (notice feline socks with flowered ballet flats in picture above), I’d like to say a word on behalf of teenage girls for I believe they routinely, unfairly, get a bad rap. Adults label teen girls as “difficult.” We approach them anticipating angst, closure and disregard. If that is what we expect from girls, that is the dynamic we will create.
 
For several years, I’ve been a part of Girls For A Change, an organization that respects girls for exactly who they are. I’ve seen many a girl, including those from challenging circumstances, blossom upon realizing that an adult genuinely cares about what she has to say.
 
As most of you may remember, it is damn hard being a teen girl – on the inside and the outside. Trying to be cool is usually masking painful insecurity. Our society doesn’t make it easy for girls to feel at peace with themselves. Among the twisted messages girls receive about their value, or lack thereof, are this week’s display of young women’s bodies in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue and yet another Nicholas Kristof report of a young girl being repeatedly gang-raped in the Congo. 

For this reason, my niece’s sweet and profound soul opens my heart even more. Will she go through emotional and physical trials as she grows into a woman? Of course. Can we honor and have patience for her and other girls’ natural process of discerning who they are and what they will become? I pray so.
 
When I look into Libby’s eyes, I see her love-filled teenaged heart. I hope she is certain of my complete admiration. My wish is that every girl has at least one person who thinks she is the absolute cat’s meow.

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A Blessed Mess

December 28, 2009
I wasn’t going to write this week. I’ve been in a bad way and wanted to hide. I didn’t want to dump my downward spiral on you, especially at the holidays. Then I remembered a friend saying she liked that I didn’t have it all together because it gave her permission to not have it all together either.
 
So here you go, Merry Christmas! You hereby have permission to be a total mess!
 
I’ve been feeling like Ally McBeal in a dream she once had where a surgeon cracks open her chest, looks into the cavity at her scar-covered heart and says, “This heart’s been broken! This heart’s been broken a thousand times!”  
 
Broken with regret, healed by forgiveness; broken with disappointment, healed by acceptance; broken with impatience, healed by trust. Does it ever stop? I think only when we’re six feet under.
 
Now, dear reader, beware, for what I’m about to admit, I would be kicked out of every workshop I’ve ever taken, flunked by every coach I’ve ever worked with, and deemed a prime “DON’T” in every self-help book I’ve ever read. For this is the strategy I decided to take on Christmas:
In order to take a break from heartache, I will no longer continue to hope that my dearest dreams are going to come true someday. Yes, they may still be possible, yet with all the time, money, and complete mind, body and soul energy I’ve put into creating my dreams, my heart is worn out and it just doesn’t seem up to me any way. 
 
And wouldn’t you know that despite this valiant, multi-day effort at negativity, self-pity and resignation, a new kind of hope is being born in me. Hope that when I finally let go of trying to make it happen, I’ll be shown what I’m really meant to experience, express and give in this lifetime. Hope that when I take a break from trying to get it right, I’ll get to just be me and let the chips fall where they may. They may just be beautiful.

Last night I listened to a Rob Bell sermon on those who hunger. In it he conveys that we are blessed IN the confusion, screw-ups and pain of our lives, not just when we finally “get it all together.”
 
I hope it is not the case, but if your heart is hurting this holiday season and your dreams are taking a whole lot longer than you’d like, I hope you’ll hang in there and let the ache transform you.
 
The mess is blessed. It’s ok to be here. Something good is happening.

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My Husband, My Watch

July 8, 2009

I realized this week that I have very few men in my life. I’m single, I have four sisters, and I work mostly with women and girls. My Dad has left this mortal coil, my grandfather also, my brothers-in-law are scattered to the far reaches of the world, and my nephews are busy just trying to make it out of boyhood alive.

Now, I love being on the feminine side of the spectrum and you know I love digging deep into all that that entails. I love my girlfriends; I love the women who participate in the Women’s Circle.

Sometimes, however – oft times I should say – a gal needs some masculine energy to help hold up the fort. Whether from a man, another woman, her own self or… from Target! And that’s where I found mine this week. In the form of… a watch.

After five years without one, I worried that it would stress me out or cramp my style (the oh-so-flattering style of perpetual lateness!) However, a miraculous thing occurs every time I put it on… I relax! I breathe. I unclench. I feel held within the simple structure this little $14.99 hottie provides for me. Structure that allows me to come undone within its walls.

A few years ago, I participated in a women’s yoga retreat with Sofia Diaz. Because we finished each evening an hour or so past schedule (I didn’t mind because I love her!), mid-way through, Sofia bought a zen clock to help her keep time. She called it her husband.

I really love that we don’t have to do it all. We don’t have to be all of what we need. We can do our part and then we can rely on simple things like a watch or on wondrous things like our partner or a Higher Power.

I’m happy to hold that structure for you each or any Monday in the Women’s Circle. Treat yourself to a 2-hour exploration of what it is like to feel deeply as your feminine self while someone else watches the clock.

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Showing up for the other 50%

June 21, 2009

I heard this on a video of the Vital Voices’ Global Leadership Awards:

“Women constitute 50% of society, but please, we should not forget that they raised the other 50%.” - Shaika Lubna Al-Qassimi, the first woman Cabinet Minister of the United Arab Emirates
 
After I finished laughing, I realized the huge impact we have on the next generation by who we are as women today. 

On this Father’s Day where we celebrate the good men in our lives, I want to ask, how am I and how are we as women showing up for the other 50%?

What will my nephews know about women from the way I love them and from who I am in their presence and in the world?  What will your colleagues know about women from the way you lead a Board Meeting or manage your staff?

How do we show up for our boyfriends and husbands in love one minute and in a fight over his socks on the floor the next? What will all of those not-quite-right dates remember from the way we said goodbye?

What do I show my father about the woman I’ve become when he still remembers a 6-year-old needing his hug and a 16-year-old needing (but not quite wanting) his loving guidance?

I think it is worth exploring and practicing how we want to show up for this other 50% whom we love, lead, follow, learn from, partner with, raise, give to and send on their way.

For ourselves and for others, this is what we help each other do in the Women’s Circle.

me and my Dad in 1970

My Dad and I in 1970

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“Salutations to that which I am capable of becoming”

April 25, 2009

I would really love to do big things in the world. I want to spread Girls For A Change from Memphis to Harare, Portland to Bogota and Philly to the Swat Valley. I want to heal and prevent horrific injustices towards women around the world. I would love to squash the Taliban (though I admit I’m a bit afraid of getting acid thrown in my face.) I’d love to work for the Nike Foundation or for Obama’s new White House Council on Women and Girls. I want to go around the country and the world listening to the dreams, challenges and solutions that women and girls have for themselves, their families, their communities and their country and I want to help the Administration respond in visionary, change making ways. I want to remind every girl I meet to believe in herself, what she is capable of and how much the world needs her.

 

I’ve heard that our heroes are our heroes because they embody some aspect of ourselves whether we realize it or not. My current heroes include the kind, spiritual and principled President Jimmy Carter and his work with the Carter Center, the kickass, outspoken Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks, wicked smart Rachel Maddow, and the coolest, most transparent First Lady to ever hit the planet! I’m not comparing myself (yet!) to these amazing peeps, however I think there is a theme amongst them – they are all courageous, original and hugely impactful in their own way. I would love to be the same.

 

One of my favorite yoga teachers in Richmond, Karen Hansen of Yoga Wabi Sabi, often ends class with the mantra “Om Namah Shivaya” which loosely translated means, “Salutations to that which I am capable of becoming.” Each week it reminds me that it might just be possible – this inkling and prayer I have of believing I could make an impact on the world for girls and women and thus, for everyone. 

 

And… at the end of each world-saving day, I want to come home. I want to breathe. I want to feel who I am instead of letting my worries or my ego define me. I want to be there for my friends, my sisters, my mom, my man, my children, my God and my self – as Eleanor – stripped of all outer definitions. I want to feel my spirit in my body, to share myself with an open heart and to love with all I have.

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Being v. Doing

March 23, 2009

I was listening to the Carolyn Myss recording of “Anatomy of the Spirit” on my drive home from the Eastern Shore after visiting my family today. At the end she closes with a prayer, extended from the traditional, by Reverend Jim Cotter that reads:

 

God be in my head and in my understanding
God be in my eyes and in my looking                           
God be in my mouth and in my speaking
God be in my tongue and in my tasting               
God be in my lips and in my greeting                        
 
God be in my nose and in my inhaling
God be in my ears and in my hearing
God be in my neck and in my humbling
God be in my shoulders and in my bearing
God be in my back and in my standing
 
God be in my arms and in my receiving
God be in my hands and in my working
God be in my legs and in my walking
God be in my feet and in my grounding
God be in my joints and in my relating
 
God be in my guts and in my feelings
God be in my bowels and in my forgiving
God be in my loins and in my swiving
God be in my lungs and in my breathing
God be in my heart and in my loving
 
God be in my skin and in my touching
God be in my flesh and in my paining
God be in my blood and in my living
God be in my bones and in my dying
God be at my end and at my reviving
 
by Reverend Jim Cotter, Prayer at Night’s Approaching

 

 

I was struck that the author isn’t asking God to “do” anything for him, rather simply to “be” with him, in every part of him.  

 

In my life right now I am learning and practicing the concept that my beingness is enough… that I do not need to prove my value, that others can actually feel me more in my being than in my doing.

 

We’ll be exploring this “beingness” and how to find it in ourselves in the middle of our busy lives in my next workshop “Step Outside the Cubicle” on April 5.  If you are interested, please take advantage of the early bird workshop fee of $65! (valid until March 29) Simply email a note letting me know you are coming.  I’d love to see you.

 

Click here for more information.

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