How could this be? Me? Writing about God all the time? I’m no God expert – I’ve got a million questions! Won’t I scare away potential clients? Shouldn’t I be talking about attracting true love, creating a fabulous career or manifesting the sexy, red, stretchy dress I want for Christmas?
Is this authentic? How could I be so into God? Yikes… that makes me a little different than I thought I was going to be. You see, I grew up feeling shocked and mad that kids in my high school said I would go to hell if I didn’t believe what they did. “Well,” I thought, “That’s not too fair now is it? I’m 16! I’m not perfect, but I try to be a good person. What kind of God would send me and my loved ones to hell just because we didn’t go to your church?”
More importantly, why would I want anything to do with that kind of judgment and exclusion? No way! I had enough heartache to deal with as a teenager much less worrying about going to hell.
So here I am 25 years later… not totally sure I fit within the Christian church, not really matching the low-key vibration of a Buddhist path, loving the gorgeous Hindu goddesses while knowing nothing about Hinduism, and coming from a family who finds spiritual grandeur and truth in nature. Yet lately, when I sit to write this weekly email about what is on my mind and heart (that I hope will be of some use for others), it keeps coming back to something about God.
(Note: if this ever gets too preachy for you or I start sounding like the high school people I just dissed, you are always welcome to send me a note or to simply unsubscribe.)
The thing is… it’s all God for me. This whole exploration of the depth and breadth of self, the fullness of life, and the sweetness and heartache of love is completely intertwined with the spiritual aspect of living as a human in the world and on the Earth.
This weekend I watched a simple, little, funny movie called “The Answer Man” about a renowned spiritual “guru” who is also a cranky, foul-mouthed, lonely guy. People come to him for the answers that he himself is seeking. It is in an unexpected love for a woman and her son that he begins to feel his authenticity and his connection to God again.
From that place, he offers to his girlfriend this beautiful line, “You are here so God can experience the world through your eyes…Through you, He falls in love with the world all over again.”
That’s the little nugget I’d love to offer you this week. It reminded me that there is a reason for our being here in exactly our unique form – so God can experience the world through our eyes, our skin, our breath, and our hearts.
For every yummy glass of buttery Chardonnay God gets to taste through my lips, you may share a cold Heineken. For every new crush that makes my heart skip a beat, you may allow God to experience a mother’s wide-open love for her precious new baby. And for every ounce of human anger and sorrow God can feel through the New York Times’ Nicholas Kristof’s description of injustice (ala this young man’s health care travesty), your passions may ignite a thousand different responses.
This week, I invite you (and myself!) to try this practice on for size: Let God feel what it is like to be human through you, your love, your body, your emotions and your actions. Notice if and how life feels different and whether little things seem a bit more magical and sacred. I’d love to hear how it goes.
Posts Tagged ‘meaning’
Experiencing Life Through You and Me
November 30, 2009Happiness, Meaning or Both?
September 21, 2009When I worked in New York as a 23-year-old, I used to walk home through the West Village crying my eyes out. No one noticed. This was Manhattan before 9/11. I lived in a SoHo loft, went out with friends, saw countless downtown performances, and rode the subway to the Cloisters at 190th Street whenever I needed solitude and a park that didn’t have creepy dudes doing creepy things.
99% of the poetry I wrote during that time was sad. I knew that I was soul sick.
At 26, I escaped Gotham for Aspen. I didn’t know how to ski. I didn’t own a mountain bike. (Both soon rectified!) I had moved there to manage a dance festival, to be in the middle of immense nature and to live with nice people who said hello on the street. When I volunteered for a community project and my team leader was strung out on coke, I knew I needed something even more than mountains.
I went to a small, dark church with about six other parishioners. The sermon was one that I will never forget. He spoke of young people’s pursuit of happiness instead of meaning; when, really, meaning is where it’s at. This was a huge relief to me because a) I wasn’t great at happiness, and b) meaning gave me an anchor.
Thus was born my exploration of life below the surface.
Several years later, my oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 43. The thought of losing her was more terrifying and incomprehensible than my whole meaning-filled being could stand. So, after much devotion to my soul, I changed gears.
Awareness of life’s brevity and the singular importance of love and family was a given during that time. Happiness however… was long overdue. Moroseness would do nothing to serve my sister. I vowed to make that six months the best of my life. The highlight was celebrating her recovery by inaugurating the Annual Bare Chested Boobie Romp (now in its seventh year!) Happiness… I was hooked!
While fun as hell, after a while of living in hedonistic pursuit, I came to know deep down that it wasn’t me. Not solely, nor soul-ly. I yearned for depth to ground my pleasure.
I’m not the life of the party, nor am I Ghandi. 14 years after that Aspen sermon and many workshops, therapy, coaching, yoga and pole dancing classes later, I’ve come to believe that my life is about both: happiness and meaning.
Some of you lucky dogs may have been born with this wisdom. For me and perhaps others, it’s been a journey that couldn’t have been forced.
My Dad once told me in his backyard that I needed to “lighten up” (which I didn’t take kindly to!) Just before his death, he thanked me for the “pleasure of my company” after a road trip, just the two of us. I believe the shift was partly due to finally being my true self with him, and partly due to revealing a new self – one that has been hard won. I’m glad he got to experience her for a short while and I’m grateful that I get to live her now.
