Posts Tagged ‘vulnerability’

Living Out Loud…Why?

July 15, 2010

On my makeshift altar, there is a card with a quote from Emile Zola that reads: “If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud.” I believe I did as well. I came to talk about real things. I came to share my heart and to feel yours.

I need that reminder as I contemplate why I write and share this blog with you all. It’s scary to do so. In the last three weeks, I’ve been on vacation and I’ve started a new job; the time off from writing was freeing. I felt free from the dread of Monday morning – Should I have hit send last night? Free from the feeling of vulnerability – Did I say too much? Will they think I’m crazy for baring my soul? And free from doubt - Who cares what I think?

But I want to connect. With you. With my spirit. With a deeper truth.

It’s the uneasy feeling of vulnerability that makes me regularly question whether I should keep doing this. Vulnerability seems like a very good thing to avoid! Other people don’t say these things about their lives out loud. That seems like such a safer and saner way to live.

I realize though that it isn’t just my writing that makes me feel that way – my whole life ethos is dependent upon a willingness to be vulnerable. I feel it walking up the aisle towards the Eucharist. Talking about the future with my boyfriend. Being authentic with his family. Starting a new job. Leading a contemplative workshop for my friends and their husbands. Hoping for something I really want.

When I seek safety instead of risking vulnerability, I need to ask in whose service am I writing and is the risk worth it? I believe that I live out loud in service to God.

Does fear of embarrassment or total mortification ever hold you back from giving what you have to give? What if that very thing you are afraid to share matters more than you know?

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Showing up for the other 50%

June 21, 2009

I heard this on a video of the Vital Voices’ Global Leadership Awards:

“Women constitute 50% of society, but please, we should not forget that they raised the other 50%.” - Shaika Lubna Al-Qassimi, the first woman Cabinet Minister of the United Arab Emirates
 
After I finished laughing, I realized the huge impact we have on the next generation by who we are as women today. 

On this Father’s Day where we celebrate the good men in our lives, I want to ask, how am I and how are we as women showing up for the other 50%?

What will my nephews know about women from the way I love them and from who I am in their presence and in the world?  What will your colleagues know about women from the way you lead a Board Meeting or manage your staff?

How do we show up for our boyfriends and husbands in love one minute and in a fight over his socks on the floor the next? What will all of those not-quite-right dates remember from the way we said goodbye?

What do I show my father about the woman I’ve become when he still remembers a 6-year-old needing his hug and a 16-year-old needing (but not quite wanting) his loving guidance?

I think it is worth exploring and practicing how we want to show up for this other 50% whom we love, lead, follow, learn from, partner with, raise, give to and send on their way.

For ourselves and for others, this is what we help each other do in the Women’s Circle.

me and my Dad in 1970

My Dad and I in 1970

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Imperfectly Beautiful

May 31, 2009

Last weekend, one of my best friends asked me, “Eleanor, do you think you are enough?” I answered, “Honestly? No.”

She and our other dear friend were aghast, but I didn’t want to pretend to be more confident than I felt in that moment. I wanted to be honest that yes, sometimes I struggle with the feeling that I am not “enough” for the good things I want to be, do and have in my life. Like a chronic physical injury that must be taken care of daily, this insecurity is something I have been aware of for a long time and I tend daily to its healing.

My friend said, “What would make you feel enough?” I answered, “If I had no imperfections,” knowing full well the impossibility of such a state. She then replied, “Would you like a work of art if it had no imperfections?” I immediately answered, “No,” and in that simple instant, I began to understand myself as a work of art which is MORE beautiful and interesting – not less – BECAUSE of my imperfections.

What my friend did for me on her front porch in Atlanta is what we do for each other each week in the Women’s Circle. It is a safe space to admit our fears, our insecurities and our perceived imperfections. We are not lesser women for having them; we are human.

In return for our courageous transparency, we receive loving reflection back from other women who see our “flaws” as part of our beauty and help us develop practices to transform the way we hold them and the hold they have on our lives.

A few weeks ago I went to church for the first time in years. The Rev. Dana Corsello delivered a really moving sermon. She was talking about Jesus returning to his disciples in flesh and blood with his wounds visible. She spoke of the incredible vulnerability, humility and generosity of His saying, and our saying to each other, “Hi, these are my wounds, tell me yours.”

The Women’s Circle is a space to let down the façade of perfection, reveal our wounds, and receive love, acceptance and healing practices for who we are, as we are, today.

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